Dear Audrey,
My New Year's resolution is to find new ways of meeting nice men, and I’ve brainstormed with a girlfriend for ideas. So what do you think about the gym as a meeting venue? In some ways it’s perfect, all those guys walking around in tight clothes—but then it seems intimidating too, at the same time, since everyone is always so intent on their exercise. How can I meet someone without seeming intrusive? - Buff Betty, 34

Dear Buff,
Audrey congratulates you on your excellent New Year's resolution, first of all. You are being proactive in your search for dates, and that will always pay off for you. As for the gym, it’s a great pick-up place, but Audrey agrees with you in that in this context, a little groundbreaking work is sometimes appropriate. The best solution is to establish some familiarity with a person BEFORE you make yourself vulnerable by making the first move. So scope it out. In general, those hunky 30-something guys tend to work out in the evening after their long, productive days in the office. So if you’re not already training at that time, consider switching. Get into a routine of always going on the same nights, and you’ll probably notice you start seeing the same people, and they you, of course. When you’re at a nodding acquaintance level of familiarity, it will seem (and feel) very natural to simply ask for a spot, or some other gym-appropriate conversation-starter. And by this time, you will be so extra-buff, that who could resist you? Audrey wishes you luck and reminds you and everyone else: you can NEVER do too many squats.

Dear Audrey,
I love my girlfriend, but I am starting to feel that something in our relationship has gone wrong. Even though we live together, she still insists that we speak on the phone at least three or four times a day, and if we don’t, she’s upset when I get home. We’ve stopped going out very much, because she never seems to want to do anything except cuddle by the TV, and our sex life is becoming very intermittent. We’re both in our late twenties, and we’ve been together four years now. Are these issues normal? What can I do to change them? - Restless in NDG, 29

Dear Restless,
Audrey sees that you have answered your own question—you know very well that although those might be common problems, they aren’t “normal”, or in other words, this isn't a situation you need to be resigned to in a relationship. You know a change is in order. First of all, you need to realize it takes two to tango. You are also involved in the daily phone calls, the not going out, etc. So if you want a change, it will have to start with you. Audrey advises you to tell her exactly what you wrote in this letter, and discuss together how you might solve these problems. Experiment with not talking at all during the day, with fixed nights where you have to go out, both together and separately. Explore your own interests, and make sure your girlfriend does the same. It’s through the spark of socializing, exploring, and feeling alive and excited about life that your sex life will start to sizzle again, not through co-dependent cuddling. And the same goes for those phone calls. When your girlfriend has enough other things on her mind, she won’t have to reach out for you to fulfill all her needs. So, get a move on! It’s a new year.

Please send your questions to Audrey's email box: info@quickmatch.ca